Yet, you fall out too quickly and painfully.

I saw him that day, I don’t know why i did….. But he remembered me, and i did not..! He proved me all the reasons to why a guy like him should be treasured…when i  came to know him throughout few hours i spent with him, he seemed so simple, yet so unique in nature…. because he IS different from the rest and i am sure he will be as always….! He knew from two years back ! and i did not remember him clearly at all. When he moved my fingers to see my face, and say yes, i know her…..i had no clue….but it felt so good when he knew me….when he talked to me…..He talked to me as if he has known me for a long long time  ! it felt so strange, yet i found happiness in that strangeness..! When it was time to leave ! i did not want to leave, i wanted to stay longer..! he amused me with his kind actions ! it felt i should stay there for ever..! or that these moments would freeze… it is impossible i know, but when i was with him that was the only thing i could wish for when i met him… When he took that apple when i gave him, i kinda felt accepted…! it reminded me of a twilight cover ❤  and when he respected “ladies’ so much…i have never seen someone like him  who has given so much respect and attention.  when i left the building and the way he followed me to the door,  the way he was eager to know to what i was talking, the way my heart did not want to leave that place…..when i went to my locker, the way he waited for me..! is this all really for me ? is there really so much meaning behind all this ? am i getting too excited ? am i getting too happy ? i do not know, i have not behaved like this before, but why now? but why to him ? when i left those doors i did not know if i will ever see him again? if i will ever talk to him again? but i wanted to talk , i wanted to see him again… i told my friend to get his id…and i left….

When he says “Yo” i think of so many things that i wish that he really meant what i thought of. i wish he would text me in the morning, and when i do not text, i want him miss me just once….!

It was Thursday March. 29. 2012 i saw him…! and wished i would see..! if fate allowed us to meet again…and then we did in my tuition class on Saturday ! i finished mine and he walked in, i felt happy, i was jumping in joy…..on the way to tuition, i swear to god i was thinking if he goes to the school near by, will he come to the tuition..? i did not finish my thought about him, and there he was..! at that moment i believed in him, i believed in miracles… i went home smiling…. it felt like my home brightened a little more that day ! i went to sleep with thoughts of him ! memories of him! moments of his meeting to my eye !

I talked to him over the long weekend in april, and i wished wont another longweekend come ? 😛

i always looked for reasons to meet him… i always expected him on every Thursdays… i did not tell him how happy i was, but i kept it within me ! so from that i looked forward to every Thursdays..!

But i feel as though he does not feel the same ! i feel as though my thoughts are different from his…! i do not know, i have not asked, but it hurts when he does not understand what i tell him not in words but in actions…because in everything i do he is there my sunshine ! my dear-u my jaan ❤


Is this reality or am i dreaming too much ?

Every time when he talks to me, i jump in joy..!
But i feel as though he is not concerned about my feelings !
I try to show my feelings, yet i do not know whether he is acting as if he does not understand it or he gets and ignores it or simply he is feeling the same ?
how will i find the answer to this ? yea, it s simple, ASK him right? i am too scared to ask him !
Even today when he ,messaged me, i felt happy…. he made me smile !
but he only messaged me to tell me something about someone..!
i do not known !
i get confused !
n he confuses me
n i confuse him !
Funny feelings !

Unspeakable silence of words…. that are haunting me..!

I have been telling myself for so long to be strong…. and i was on roll on that for few months i guess…. then comes the gloomy days…where nowdays i dun even knw who to trust anymore…even the ones who seem very close to us lie to you, cheat you, hide things from you….. unbelievable how people change so much and how much that changes hurt another person…! i had a friend who was very close to me when i was in grade nine….. or i thought she was….. even then she talked about me to other people…! well she would say i gossiped about them..! and somehow ruined the friendship tht i had with other people…..! then off she goes on  a flight and doesnt show up for nearly 3 years….! i was missing her a lot….i wished she was here..! and sometimes when we talked we talked about our good old days of grade nine stories..! the fun we had for four months of school..! seems like i dont even know this girl completely for a year and there i was yearning for her presence…. how silly, how schwpuid..! aiyoooo…!

SHE comes back, and does her same old dirty lies….goes around to people and talk about me behind my back and is still friendly with me…….! i cant believe her.! then she becomes friends with another friend of mine completely forgets about me…. forget us…forget the memories…..its hurts when people forget…..

NO NO TRUST..! yea i couldnt trust her…..there she wa…going around acting all nice around me and being friendly….! and there was another side to her when she hid from me….a side that i knew very well of..! she lied to me for someone else…..she hid the truth for me…… she crushed my friendship for her…. the day she did i had no respect for her…. i may not have been with her during happy times…!but i was there everytime she had tears in her eyes…i was there every time she needed me …and YET all she CARED about was being with her new friend….

I lost too many things in life….i had very difficult time coping without them… was in every thought of mine….it was there in every happiness of mine…! and suddenly to have it broken hurt like the core..!

i was lost….i was helpless…! all people wanted to see was me smiling all the time..! oh cum’on i m HUMAN….and i cry sometime…and i have the right to not smile, yet they irritate me so much…!

sometimes i wanna go back home…sleep on the Terrace…and forget about everything…better yet… i wanna sleep on my grandma’s lap and talk non stop to her and bug her…. i dont want this pain of staying here…

i wanted to come back…buh i had these restrictions like a fence….and now that fence seems to be between you and me….[ it wont make sense to you, buh in my world it does] i m sorry reader

i am just ranting out my thoughts and feelings…because i dont want to break down…

i cried a lot today….i had no words to tell anyone how i feel..

the one who i want to listen,  is not talking to me

the one i want to share with, is so far away..!

i just stayed quiet at some things today

NEVER GET ACCUSTOMED TO ANYONE, ANYTHING….. it hurts you so much when it leaves…

a lesson everyone learns in life….buh it is a lesson tht  i have been going thru fr a long time

Another friend of mine was with me in my one of my fav.classes….! and yet today she decided to drop the class…

i had nothing but tears

i had no words to express

i just stayed quiet

bcos i know tmrw she will not be with me in my class tmrw…

so what now is the point i cry after she decided to leave?

life goes on……………

hopefully all will be fine !

all is well….

Thank you to all my readers who have been reading my words………….!

Heartbreak after another…. :'(

It’s December, and Christmas is just around the corner….and the coldness in the north America has started to is freezing… and I wish that I don’t have to rant out my feelings at this time of the year…but do situations permit ? They keep coming back to me, no matter how far I’ve tried to ignore them…. December is a hectic time of the year…. Especially if you are in senior year of high school.

The problems and the main reason I am stressing is out is because of people whom I so call as friends…. Oh My..!!! arguments over arguments……pain….unbearable hurt…. This all happens when you do groupwork with people…. I don’t know if my time is not right now, or what’s wrong…? Nothing is going smooth..! I can’t believe that people can suddenly change so fast…. And hurt you so bad… I thought of her as good friend… she reminded me of someone who I love so much……but she is completely the utter opposite…!! I regret being with her…. She looks very calm and quiet… but she is a silent killer…

I trusted her, oh sheesh, there goes my trust issues again…!! I shared my confusion with her… I didn’t even share her my problems……with her….and when it was not the right time  she used it against me….. I was so hurt…!i just spent so much time… in completing my work, but it didn’t deserve the valuable mark….! God I am dying now-u, she is happy how-u (Why this kolaveri di, Dhanush) she does all this torture to me….she causes me all this pain….and yet, all she is worried about is her happiness… I haven’t seen a more selfish person than her…! I haven’t seen such sadist like her…!! She is never bothered about my feelings… all fake…!! All fake…!! Only I am dying of the scars she made…!

Too quick friendship, sometimes ends too quickly….. I always learn it the hard way… I can never forgive her for what she has been doing recently, and I am not able to speak harsh words to her…as she did to me…!! Girl, heart black-u (Why this kolaveri di, Dhanush) she may be looking all nice on the outside….but inside she is crap….her heart is a stone….. she is liar…. I know I don’t have the rights to judge anyone…but Whoa…whoa!! Trust me I went to thru enuff shyte to be talking like this in the first place…!! Just a week back I was thinking soooo great about her…and I wanted her to feel happy because she wasn’t living a good one herself…. I wanted her to smile…. But now, I SIMPLY DON’T CARE….! She didn’t care when I was hurt…. She uttered those words, and act  as if nothing happened…!! She watched me cry damm it…! I am not wishing her any bad…but one day she will realize…!! Psstt..! who am I kidding ? a girl like her ? will feel ? cry ? does she know the meanings of friendship… the thing that irritates me the most is that she pretended so well that friends are everything…..and sometime she made fun of me…!! While others loved me…she was jealous or wishing she could release her activities in here..! get out girl…!!! You don’t even belong in my group anymore…I am only going to keep you away not to hurt you, but to stop you from hurting me any longer..

I have never ever showed my sadness to true friends…its not because I fake it…. It because they know something is wrong…and I am not so happy about it…and they will do anything to make me smile..! when I don’t smile… they all are upset…I don’t want o boast about having soooo many friends…all I care is that I have few friends who will do anything for me..! they don’t watch me cry..! they wont tolerate it… they cry with me…or some dear ones…yell at me to find better group members…

You can even believe the people who are loud and laughing out loud….but can NEVER trust the one who hides it all on the inside and hurt you when you don’t deserve it…!!

There is still more that I want to write…but I kinda let out my feelings…and it feels so much lighter….. and I have realized that she is meaningless in my life


Feeling beautiful :)

I recently felt so good about myself. When person’s feels beautiful on the inside will always be the most beautiful person on this universe… Earlier in my life, i had many bitter experiences where i felt so low of myself….

When you have friends who love you unconditionally, you will feel so light heart and feel even more beautiful than ever…!

It is not that i am obssed over myself… it is just that, the old stains that you used to cling to me everywhere i went is no more to been seen in my life, and i am extremely happy about this.,…. and want to announce it to the whole world that…..

There will be days when you hate yourself because you lacking something…you can do better..;.but something stops you from doing it….. its like a barrier that is your obstacle for you to achieve your full potential…its okay to feel that way….i mean it is nice memories…but in only in times like these you get  a better understanding of yourself” I have been called so many names…which were the most painful and harshest words i ever heard….but i was only able to look pass it completely to this date…. it is because time healed my wounds, and my friends made me who i am… Never try to satisfy or impress anyone in the world…because people who deserve it will know who you are….. i see him now….and think about all the words he used against to hurt me….and i think to myself… ” tht piece of junk said some things about me which i felt bad for 6 long years…. i gave value to your words when i should not have…i should have ignored and lived my life….buh i do sometimes regret taht i could have led a happier life…buh you know what these things only made me stronger…. every time you were waiting for me to fall and cry over the pain you caused….buh i am no more like tht…i don’t care what you say…i was not put into this world to impress you…your words don’t mean anything…screw that…even u don’t mean anything….!! you think if yu have some flesh and popularity you could be human…. no way….! you are nothing but a sadist…. i don’t care about you because i dont even consider you as a person….!! u r gonna hurt me with these words..i hate you…..and you’re so ugly….. hell no..!! think again dude…. look at yourself in the mirror, you may look human, but you certainly dun knw how to behave as one….! beauty comes from within….not from appearance   YOU JERK…! i cried all those years….buh i come back up higher and i will shine more than you can ever see… FOOL…! You thougth you can bring me down…..buh i only ended up coming back greater and stronger..!

Girls don’t ever let anyone tell you you are not good enough, you are not beautiful…! it is the beauty that comes within you….! never worry…and smile..! dont ever let anyone be your frown…they hurt you, dont consider them as person in your life..ignore…ignore….and be happy with your friends…be strong…. everytime he sees you high…he will fall……. 🙂

The day i was waiting for to come <3

A very special person in my life……is absolutely the sweetest n cutest n amazing singer i have known in my  life 🙂

They had exams in India this month, so i was not able to talk often, and i dont know why, but i missed talking to……..

He knowns just the right words to make me smile………. he exactly knowns which words annoy me…..!! and he absolutely can make me smile even if we are miles apart…!

He makes me smile at the most simplest things in life……. he is my reality…..!

I can completely be myself when i talk with him….! i dont have any restrictions… as in “should i say this, will he think bad about me ” i can be me…..!

I may not rmbr his face….but i rmbr his words, his voice…. the most sweetest n most MOST beautiful… Voice… you can never get tired of listening to his voice…!

I am just happy today, because god has blessed me with so many special people in my life…..

I am just sooooo happy that he is a part of  my life now 🙂

Every parents wish; Every child’s duty….

One young academically excellent person went to apply for a managerial position in a big company.
He passed the first interview; the director did the last interview, made the last decision.

The director discovered from the CV that the youth’s academic achievements were
excellent all the way from the secondary school until the postgraduate research, never had a year when he did not score.

The director asked, “Did you obtain any scholarships in school?”
The youth answered “none”.

The director asked, “Was it your father who paid for your school fees?”
The youth answered, “My father passed away when I was one year old, it was my mother who paid for my school fees.

The director asked, “Where did your mother work?”
The youth answered, “My mother worked as clothes cleaner. The director requested the youth to show his hands.
The youth showed a pair of hands that were smooth and perfect.

The director asked, “Have you ever helped your mother wash the clothes before?”
The youth answered, “Never, my mother always wanted me to study and read more books. Furthermore, my mother can wash clothes faster than me.

The director said, “I have a request. When you go back today, go and clean your mother’s hands, and then see me tomorrow morning.*

The Youth felt that his chance of landing the job was high. When he went back, he happily requested his mother to let him clean her hands.
His mother felt strange, happy but with mixed feelings, she showed her hands to the kid.

The youth cleaned his mother’s hands slowly. His tear fell as he did that. It was the first time he noticed that his mother’s hands were so wrinkled,
and there were so many bruises in her hands. Some bruises were so painful that his mother shivered when they were cleaned with water.
This was the first time the youth realized that it was this pair of hands that washed the clothes everyday to enable him to pay the school fee.
The bruises in the mother’s hands were the price that the mother had to pay for his graduation, academic excellence and his future.

After finishing the cleaning of his mother hands, the youth quietly washed all the remaining clothes for his mother.
That night, mother and son talked for a very long time.

Next morning, the youth went to the director’s office.

The Director noticed the tears in the youth’s eyes, asked: “Can you tell me what have you done and learned yesterday in your house?”

The youth answered, “I cleaned my mother’s hand, and also finished cleaning all the remaining clothes’

The Director asked, “Please tell me your feelings.”

The youth said, Number 1, I know now what appreciation is. Without my mother, there would not have been the successful me today.
Number 2, by working together and helping my mother, only now I realize how difficult and tough it is to get something done.
Number 3, I have come to appreciate the importance and value of family relationship.

The director said, “This is what I am looking for to be my manager. I want to recruit a person who can appreciate the help of others,
a person who knows the sufferings of others to get things done, and a person who would not put
money as his only goal in life. You are hired.

Later on, this young person worked very hard, and received the respect of his subordinates. Every employee worked diligently
and as a team. The company’s performance improved tremendously.

A child, who has been protected and habitually given whatever he wanted, would develop “entitlement mentality” and would
always put him first. He would be ignorant of his parent’s efforts. When he starts work, he assumes that every person must listen
to him, and when he becomes a manager, he would never know the sufferings of his employees and would always blame others.
For this kind of people, who may be good academically, may be successful for a while, but eventually would not feel sense of
achievement. He will grumble and be full of hatred and fight for more. If we are this kind of protective parents, are we
really showing love or are we destroying the kid instead?*

You can let your kid live in a big house, eat a good meal, learn piano, watch a big screen TV. But when you are cutting grass,
please let them experience it. After a meal, let them wash their plates and bowls together with their brothers and sisters.
It is not because you do not have money to hire a maid, but it is because you want to love them in a right way. You want them to
understand, no matter how rich their parents are, one day their hair will grow grey, same as the mother of that young person.
The most important thing is your kid learns how to appreciate the effort and experience the difficulty and learns the ability to
work with others to get things done.