My Mickey Friend :)

i dnt knw why … i just always wanted you to smile, cuz in the beginning when we started talking you where almost sad , nd crying fr everythng , only thiong that went in ma mind is
to make you smile
so i did it every day …. i forget being frank at times wheneva i talk to u.
only one thing gets a priority when i talk to u ..
to make u smile
so it automatically went away..
that being frank!

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Yet, you fall out too quickly and painfully.

I saw him that day, I don’t know why i did….. But he remembered me, and i did not..! He proved me all the reasons to why a guy like him should be treasured…when i  came to know him throughout few hours i spent with him, he seemed so simple, yet so unique in nature…. because he IS different from the rest and i am sure he will be as always….! He knew from two years back ! and i did not remember him clearly at all. When he moved my fingers to see my face, and say yes, i know her…..i had no clue….but it felt so good when he knew me….when he talked to me…..He talked to me as if he has known me for a long long time  ! it felt so strange, yet i found happiness in that strangeness..! When it was time to leave ! i did not want to leave, i wanted to stay longer..! he amused me with his kind actions ! it felt i should stay there for ever..! or that these moments would freeze… it is impossible i know, but when i was with him that was the only thing i could wish for when i met him… When he took that apple when i gave him, i kinda felt accepted…! it reminded me of a twilight cover ❤  and when he respected “ladies’ so much…i have never seen someone like him  who has given so much respect and attention.  when i left the building and the way he followed me to the door,  the way he was eager to know to what i was talking, the way my heart did not want to leave that place…..when i went to my locker, the way he waited for me..! is this all really for me ? is there really so much meaning behind all this ? am i getting too excited ? am i getting too happy ? i do not know, i have not behaved like this before, but why now? but why to him ? when i left those doors i did not know if i will ever see him again? if i will ever talk to him again? but i wanted to talk , i wanted to see him again… i told my friend to get his id…and i left….

When he says “Yo” i think of so many things that i wish that he really meant what i thought of. i wish he would text me in the morning, and when i do not text, i want him miss me just once….!

It was Thursday March. 29. 2012 i saw him…! and wished i would see..! if fate allowed us to meet again…and then we did in my tuition class on Saturday ! i finished mine and he walked in, i felt happy, i was jumping in joy…..on the way to tuition, i swear to god i was thinking if he goes to the school near by, will he come to the tuition..? i did not finish my thought about him, and there he was..! at that moment i believed in him, i believed in miracles… i went home smiling…. it felt like my home brightened a little more that day ! i went to sleep with thoughts of him ! memories of him! moments of his meeting to my eye !

I talked to him over the long weekend in april, and i wished wont another longweekend come ? 😛

i always looked for reasons to meet him… i always expected him on every Thursdays… i did not tell him how happy i was, but i kept it within me ! so from that i looked forward to every Thursdays..!

But i feel as though he does not feel the same ! i feel as though my thoughts are different from his…! i do not know, i have not asked, but it hurts when he does not understand what i tell him not in words but in actions…because in everything i do he is there my sunshine ! my dear-u my jaan ❤

Heartbreak after another…. :'(

It’s December, and Christmas is just around the corner….and the coldness in the north America has started to increase..it is freezing… and I wish that I don’t have to rant out my feelings at this time of the year…but do situations permit ? They keep coming back to me, no matter how far I’ve tried to ignore them…. December is a hectic time of the year…. Especially if you are in senior year of high school.

The problems and the main reason I am stressing is out is because of people whom I so call as friends…. Oh My..!!! arguments over arguments……pain….unbearable hurt…. This all happens when you do groupwork with people…. I don’t know if my time is not right now, or what’s wrong…? Nothing is going smooth..! I can’t believe that people can suddenly change so fast…. And hurt you so bad… I thought of her as good friend… she reminded me of someone who I love so much……but she is completely the utter opposite…!! I regret being with her…. She looks very calm and quiet… but she is a silent killer…

I trusted her, oh sheesh, there goes my trust issues again…!! I shared my confusion with her… I didn’t even share her my problems……with her….and when it was not the right time  she used it against me….. I was so hurt…!i just spent so much time… in completing my work, but it didn’t deserve the valuable mark….! God I am dying now-u, she is happy how-u (Why this kolaveri di, Dhanush) she does all this torture to me….she causes me all this pain….and yet, all she is worried about is her happiness… I haven’t seen a more selfish person than her…! I haven’t seen such sadist like her…!! She is never bothered about my feelings… all fake…!! All fake…!! Only I am dying of the scars she made…!

Too quick friendship, sometimes ends too quickly….. I always learn it the hard way… I can never forgive her for what she has been doing recently, and I am not able to speak harsh words to her…as she did to me…!! Girl, heart black-u (Why this kolaveri di, Dhanush) she may be looking all nice on the outside….but inside she is crap….her heart is a stone….. she is liar…. I know I don’t have the rights to judge anyone…but Whoa…whoa!! Trust me I went to thru enuff shyte to be talking like this in the first place…!! Just a week back I was thinking soooo great about her…and I wanted her to feel happy because she wasn’t living a good one herself…. I wanted her to smile…. But now, I SIMPLY DON’T CARE….! She didn’t care when I was hurt…. She uttered those words, and act  as if nothing happened…!! She watched me cry damm it…! I am not wishing her any bad…but one day she will realize…!! Psstt..! who am I kidding ? a girl like her ? will feel ? cry ? does she know the meanings of friendship… the thing that irritates me the most is that she pretended so well that friends are everything…..and sometime she made fun of me…!! While others loved me…she was jealous or wishing she could release her activities in here..! get out girl…!!! You don’t even belong in my group anymore…I am only going to keep you away not to hurt you, but to stop you from hurting me any longer..

I have never ever showed my sadness to true friends…its not because I fake it…. It because they know something is wrong…and I am not so happy about it…and they will do anything to make me smile..! when I don’t smile… they all are upset…I don’t want o boast about having soooo many friends…all I care is that I have few friends who will do anything for me..! they don’t watch me cry..! they wont tolerate it… they cry with me…or some dear ones…yell at me to find better group members…

You can even believe the people who are loud and laughing out loud….but can NEVER trust the one who hides it all on the inside and hurt you when you don’t deserve it…!!

There is still more that I want to write…but I kinda let out my feelings…and it feels so much lighter….. and I have realized that she is meaningless in my life

 

Feeling beautiful :)

I recently felt so good about myself. When person’s feels beautiful on the inside will always be the most beautiful person on this universe… Earlier in my life, i had many bitter experiences where i felt so low of myself….

When you have friends who love you unconditionally, you will feel so light heart and feel even more beautiful than ever…!

It is not that i am obssed over myself… it is just that, the old stains that you used to cling to me everywhere i went is no more to been seen in my life, and i am extremely happy about this.,…. and want to announce it to the whole world that…..

There will be days when you hate yourself because you lacking something…you can do better..;.but something stops you from doing it….. its like a barrier that is your obstacle for you to achieve your full potential…its okay to feel that way….i mean it is nice memories…but in only in times like these you get  a better understanding of yourself” I have been called so many names…which were the most painful and harshest words i ever heard….but i was only able to look pass it completely to this date…. it is because time healed my wounds, and my friends made me who i am… Never try to satisfy or impress anyone in the world…because people who deserve it will know who you are….. i see him now….and think about all the words he used against to hurt me….and i think to myself… ” tht piece of junk said some things about me which i felt bad for 6 long years…. i gave value to your words when i should not have…i should have ignored and lived my life….buh i do sometimes regret taht i could have led a happier life…buh you know what these things only made me stronger…. every time you were waiting for me to fall and cry over the pain you caused….buh i am no more like tht…i don’t care what you say…i was not put into this world to impress you…your words don’t mean anything…screw that…even u don’t mean anything….!! you think if yu have some flesh and popularity you could be human…. no way….! you are nothing but a sadist…. i don’t care about you because i dont even consider you as a person….!! u r gonna hurt me with these words..i hate you…..and you’re so ugly….. hell no..!! think again dude…. look at yourself in the mirror, you may look human, but you certainly dun knw how to behave as one….! beauty comes from within….not from appearance   YOU JERK…! i cried all those years….buh i come back up higher and i will shine more than you can ever see… FOOL…! You thougth you can bring me down…..buh i only ended up coming back greater and stronger..!

Girls don’t ever let anyone tell you you are not good enough, you are not beautiful…! it is the beauty that comes within you….! never worry…and smile..! dont ever let anyone be your frown…they hurt you, dont consider them as person in your life..ignore…ignore….and be happy with your friends…be strong…. everytime he sees you high…he will fall……. 🙂

The day i was waiting for to come <3

A very special person in my life……is absolutely the sweetest n cutest n amazing singer i have known in my  life 🙂

They had exams in India this month, so i was not able to talk often, and i dont know why, but i missed talking to……..

He knowns just the right words to make me smile………. he exactly knowns which words annoy me…..!! and he absolutely can make me smile even if we are miles apart…!

He makes me smile at the most simplest things in life……. he is my reality…..!

I can completely be myself when i talk with him….! i dont have any restrictions… as in “should i say this, will he think bad about me ” i can be me…..!

I may not rmbr his face….but i rmbr his words, his voice…. the most sweetest n most MOST beautiful… Voice… you can never get tired of listening to his voice…!

I am just happy today, because god has blessed me with so many special people in my life…..

I am just sooooo happy that he is a part of  my life now 🙂

Do you know U..?

You are strong…
when you take off your grief
and teach yourself to smile.

You are Brave…
when you over come your fears
and help others to do the same.

You are Happy…
when you see a flower and
are thankful for the blessing.

You are Loving….
when your own pain does not
blind you to the pain of others.

You are wise….
when you know the limits
of your wisdom.

You are True….
when you admit there are
times you fool yourself.

You are Alive….
when tomorrow’s hope means
more to you then yesterday;s
mistakes.

You are growing…
when you know what you are
but not what you will become.

You are Free…
when you are in control of yourself
and do not wish to control others.

You are Honourable…
when you belive your honour
is to respect others honour.

You are generous…
when you can take as
sweetly as you can give.

You are Humble….
when you do not know
how humble you are.

You are thoughtful…
when you see me as just as i am
and treat me just as you are.

You are Merciful..
when you forgive in others the
faults you condemn in yourself.

You are Beautiful…
when you do not need
a mirror to tell you.

You are Rich…
when you never need
more then what you have.

You are YOU…
when you are at peace
with out that you are not.

It is important to know who U R.